Ask Poopy!

First things first, let's go straight to a compliation of some of Poopy's favorite video clips.

Also, I am thinking about starting an advice column, you know. I'd like to change my image a bit and become like the Ann Landers of K5. The topics can range from anything from manners, dating and relationships, in-laws, spouses, cooking, politics, etc.

Keep in mind, you are getting advice from someone who still lives with his mother and is horribly disfigured. E-mail me with your problems.

poopypeanutz@gmail.com

Here's a starter, plucked from the "Ask Amy" column in the Washington Post by K5 user Claes:

Dear Amy:

For two years I have been in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful lady whom I adore. After the first five months, we have pretty much lived together. I am 50, divorced with two school-age children. She is 45 and has never been married.

Two months ago my job sent me out of state for two weeks of training. When I came back, my lady told me that she is having trouble sleeping, and asked if I would mind staying in the other room.

Everything else about our relationship is the same. We spend our time together, share a great sex life, and there's no fear that there's someone else. She just wants to sleep alone.

I have tried to understand, but I'm at the end of my rope. I have tried to explain how I miss the intimacy and closeness, but she just shrugs it off.

Amy, I love her with all my heart, but I cannot help but feel that I am missing something truly important.

Any advice? I don't want to end the relationship, but this is something I feel I really need.


Dear Loser,

First of all, no woman is beautiful at age 45, unless you consider beauty to be crow's feet, and saggy tits. If you had any pride, you'd get yourself a really insecure nineteen year old, YESTERDAY.

Do you know what your *ahem* "beautiful" girlfriend was doing while you were away on your two weeks training? She was letting every crackhead nigger in your neighborhood pull a train on her. Do you think she needs you after she's had fifteen black dicks in one night?

No wonder she doesn't want some peckerwood wimp in her bed with her. You can't dream about Mandingo while laying next to George McCracker.

But you've come to Poopy for advice, so here it is:

Smear yourself in greasepaint, buy some gold chains, get yourself a gangsta rap CD and a basketball. Wait until your girlfriend comes home from work and jump out and rape the bitch.
You will probably have to get a big twelve inch strap on to complete the illusion since all white people have small dicks, but this is about her, not you! All white bitches fantasize about being raped by black guys.

After your done, smoke some crack and tell the bitch to fetch you some watermelon and a forty of OE. I GUARANTEE YOU, after all that, she will want you back in her bed forever more...

And if she doesn't, kill her before she can press charges.