Any ladies wanna help me make a porno movie?

Last night I jerked off into the lo-carb cream of broccoli soup at work. It's become sort of a closing ritual for me. Half the fat fucks on Atkins in this town have millions of my children-who-were-not-meant-to-be swimming around in their stomachs. It fills me with a strange sense of pride.

Then I realized...I jerk off almost ten times a day. More if I'm feeling really randy. And I can do it in strange places. I learned what my true calling is. I should be a porno star.

My dick isn't huge, but I don't imagine it's small. Five inches is about standard, right? I have no idea since I'm not a faggot who goes around looking at other guy's dicks.

On the body side, I'm kinda overweight, not really obese though. I'm only 23 and have a huge bald spot. This can be to my advantage though. No one likes to feel inferior to a porn star. I could carve out a sort of "New Ron Jeremy" niche.

I only wanna do scenes with chicks who have big tits. They must be willing to do freaky shit like ass to mouth or watersports (on them, not me, I ain't that much of a freak). I'd prefer to do only white chicks, maybe a Mexican chick if she looks like Salma Hayek.

Unfortunately, I don't have any money to pay you right now, but I'll throw a few bucks your way when Vivid buys the video.