This has been a really crappy week...

First my girlfriend dumps me.

Then I lose my job over some bullshit.

Plus it's Christmas.

Ho ho ho. I need to vent.

Me and Felicia had been going out for a few weeks now. Met her through an ad on Craigslist. First, she totally misrepresented herself. She said she was "normal girl sized" which I take to mean that while she didn't look like Lara Flynn Boyle, she wouldn't be Shamu. It was closer to the latter. She also said she reads a lot, which is technically true if you count rereading Harry Potter books over and over again. She also forgot to mention she had three kids by three different daddies, had some rather gnarly stretchmarks, talked with this whitegirl-wigger lisp, and despite that went to church regularly. I didn't think these red-staters hung out on Craigslist?

Anyway, she was the only person to respond the picture of my cock I posted up there. And though we didn't have much in common, I figured could be unjudgemental, especially since I haven't had sex that I haven't paid for in two years. And by the third date, I was warming up to her. She did keep it pretty real. I figured one more date and a lot of malt liquor and I'd be, as she says, "hittin' it."

After date three, she doesn't return my calls. I left like twelve messages on her machine every day for the past week. She mentioned she worked at Dairy Queen, so I scoured every single one within five miles of her apartment (she doesn't own a car either) until I found the one she worked at. Then she has the nerve to get mad at ME for having to come to her to just to talk. The blue haired manager told me to leave, and she said she didn't want to speak to me again. Oh well, fuck her. I was way out of her league anyway. I called an escort service and blew two hundred on this stuck up chick who would only give me handjob if I gave her another fifty bucks.
I couldn't really afford that, with Christmas and all that going on, so when I went in to work yesterday and found out that they're firing me for sexual harrasment, it really fucked me up.
Let me explain...we had our company christmas party last weekend, and it was an open bar so of course everyone was trashed. A bunch of us (including my supervisor) have a crush on this intern in the sales department, and were wondering what color panties she wore.

Now, this chick is usually pretty cool with all the guys. She'll be talking about porn and all that with us, so I figure no big deal. Since those pussies woulnd't find out, I DID. I didn't lift of her skirt or anything. I just went to her table and asked what color panties she wore. She told me to fuck off and stop embarassing her infront of her boss, so I did and I thought we were cool.

Anyway, my boss calls me in and says my behavior opened the company up to a lawsuit and they had to fire me. Well fuck them. Quantum Sales Solutions, I hope you know that tomorrow I'm contacting an attorney and suing your company out of existance and I'll be laughing all the way to my condo in Aspen on the money I win from the suit. You just fucked yourselves. HAHAHA.