I haven't left the apartment in five days.

Since losing my job and my girlfriend last Friday, I haven't stepped foot outside my apartment. At first, I allowed myself a little bit of time to get my shit together, but now I'm getting worried. I think I'm afraid to leave now.

I have my windows completely covered up so the minimal amount of sunlight can come through. You know, like I'm some sort of meth addict, even though I'm not. Even without doing a stimulant stronger than Red Bull, I still cannot sleep more than an hour or two consecutively. I think I'm going insane.

All I do is watch TV and mastrubate. It's amazing how much I mastrubate. I don't even need porn any more. I can jerk off to June Cleaver in Leave it To Beaver re-runs. Other than that, I notice how the commercials for day time TV are targeted towards the "pathetic loser" demographic (like those "get your GED" ads, or "turn this wreck into this check" lawyer ads"). Then I realize with growing unease that I'm becoming a part of that caste.
I haven't changed my clothes or bathed in the past five days either. My Big Johnson T shirt has been accumulating grease and sauce stains since I'm too lazy to get up and grab some napkins. On the front of my white boxers is a crusty yellow blotch of dried semen. On the back there's a big brown skidmark. I probably smell like a yeti. I don't care. I'm the only person who has to endure my company.

I ran out of food two days ago, and have been living on delivery food. Either Dominoes Pizza or takeout from the chink restaurant down the street. I only live two blocks away and it still takes them forty minutes to deliver their overpriced dogmeat, broccoli, sprouts and rice to my door. Chinese efficiency my ass...

Meanwhile the pile of trash in my kitchen is becoming a landfill. I no longer answer the phone, since I'm sure it's just the collection agencies I was dodging even when I had a job. I'm also trying to dodge my landlord, who I'm sure is trying to speak with me about the smell coming out of my place. Maybe, if I kill myself, I'll rot and it will stink the place of really bad. I'd be free of this worthless life and that bitch who charges me eighty bucks just because I turned in the rent a couple days late will have to steam clean my permeated flesh out of the carpet. Haha, cunt.

My life is worthless. I'm worthless. I want to die.